The Last Nerve

This past weekend, I was in a crowded car with three family friends and my dad. I was in the middle seat and my dad was on my left.

During this car ride, my dad got an old song stuck in his head that I have never heard of before.

The biggest problem is that he only knew one verse of this song and this song requires powerful vocal cords – not a trait that runs in my family.

I got fed up after the 10th rendition. I snapped and told him to shut up. Not very politely either.

A few minutes later, I realized I did the same exact thing with “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers while we were in Costco. I sang the only line of the chorus I knew 15 times in a half hour span.

Firstly, sorry for snapping at you. Love you, Dad!

Secondly, you must have the patience of a saint for putting up with all my bullshit singing.

Thirdly, I cannot imagine how annoying I must be to my friends because I do this ALL THE TIME.

Fashion Nova

I am well aware of jeggings. And I am well aware of jorts. But this is just mind-blowing.

I was in the locker room after working out (humble brag), and a man was wearing sweatpant shorts, but they were fashioned like jeans.

SWEATPANT JORTS

I was about to take a picture so I could share it to the blog.

However, taking a picture in the locker room with naked dudes walking around isn’t my best idea.

Bubba Gump

I made shrimp scampi this week. Naturally, I looked up a recipe on Google.

I assumed shrimp was the shellfish and scampi was the type of sauce.

Scampi is a small crustacean, most similar to lobster. Scampi was used when the dish was originated in Italy. When we brought this delicacy to ‘Merica, we just decided to name the dish the protein we use and the protein they use.

Three Truths

I’ve never seen a car accident before.

I’ve never had a corn dog.

I don’t think tacos are that good.

Keep Walking

I walked past a liquor store today. On the front window of the store, there was a Johnny Walker whiskey advertisement.

Johnny Walker’s slogan is “Keep Walking.”

So that’s what I did.

Wouldn’t you want your slogan to encourage people to enter your store, not walk past it?

Signing Off

Why can’t we just do away with signing off an email? Do I have to type “Best, JB” after every damn email I send? Everyone knows who the email is from.

This is an antiquated formality rooting back to when people sent exclusively snail-mail.

Some sign offs are way worse than others. “Thanks” and “Warmest Regards” are acceptable. The worst is signing off an email with “From.”

I’ll never respond.

I used this all the time when I begrudgingly wrote “thank you” notes as a child.

The recipient knows who the fuck it’s from.

Power Ranking

Rank these four things in order from things you’d least want to give up to most want to give up.

• Left pinky finger
• Sex for 10 years
• $50,000
• Pizza

Message me on any form of media you’d like and let me know your opinion

Soul Cycle

I saw this bike on the street today.

Technically, it is a stationary bike.

 

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