There’s a famous author named Lauren Belfer (not my sister Lauren)
I tried to sit down and write but I couldn’t think of anything. All of this just comes to me spontaneously and straight into my note sheet. Writing a book sounds like a nightmare.
At least I got this segment out of it.
Winner of twitter poll
So I ran a twitter poll to see what my next list should be.
The people have spoken. They would like to hear the insults that are frequently directed at me. Here goes everything:
Your brain has a hard drive but no processor.
You ugly bastard.
When you shave your beard, you look like a penis. Not an erect one.
If you didn’t have a fatter and lazier friend, you’d be the fat and lazy friend.
Your blog is really stupid.
You have hair in weird body parts (list coming soon)
You have no volume control when you speak.
All your opinions are terrible and no one cares what you think.
You laugh harder at your own jokes than everybody else does.
You have 48 twitter followers. Stop acting like you’ve saved twitter.
I’d never let you anywhere near my dog.
You’re going to die alone with 5 cats.
When I become a clothing designer…
…I’m going to design jeans with rips in between the thighs. I do it every time on my own so I might as well make it fashionable.
Reasons I don’t like the new Snapple plastic bottles
Doesn’t make a noise when you hit the bottom of the bottle
Not as cold
Hitting the bottom isn’t as satisfying
Glass feels better in the hand
The bottom isn’t as much fun to hit
Cap doesn’t make as good of a popping sound when you take it off
The. Bottom. Of. The. Bottle. Doesn’t. Pop.
48 hours
Is Star Wars Day into Cinco de Mayo the best two day stretch of the year?
Worst Executed Invention
Air mattresses – no one has ever had a good night’s sleep on one of these. The next morning, it is as inflated as when you took it out of the bag.
The people I’d most want to run into on the street
Guy Fieri
Michael Strahan
The Genie from Aladdin
Paris Hilton
Air Bud
I really miss my beard
If you couldn’t tell.
JB Finds JB Funny 