Pride of Application
I use the “spotlight search” for every app that’s not on my iPhone’s home screen. Not only is it fewer clicks than scrolling to the second page, but it’s customized to my user habits.
On occasion, I become quite proud of the “Siri Recommendations.” Other times are quite embarrassing.
For example, I was walking around aimlessly at 6pm on a Monday and the Crunch Fitness app was recommended. That’s the digital reassurance I need to know I have a regular gym schedule. At 7:30am on weekdays, my apartment’s laundry app is recommended to me. That’s cool because it means I keep my clothes clean.
There’s a few that are a bit embarrassing. TikTok is #1 recommended all day, every day. I refuse to move it to my home screen, but I end up just searching it. I view the second page as a barrier to entry to force me not to go on TikTok. The second is Fanduel Sportsbook. I don’t gamble much, but when I place a bet, I check the app every 15 seconds to remind myself what I bet on. Finally, Find My Friends is always recommended around 7pm. I get lonely and look to see when my roommate will be home from work. Hi Spector! It’s 6:50pm and you’re still on 19th and Park.
Side note: what’s the most obscure app you have on your home screen? Mine is probably a Crossword puzzle app. This will likely be relegated to second screen to make room for TikTok.
I’m Not Going Here Again
Everyone has a list of restaurants they boycott. I’ve been asking around to see which places my friends/family hate. I’m not trying to deter you from going to these places; this is me just ranting about poor personal experiences I’ve had:
- Pinto Garden: The waiter made an awful recommendation. Like they brought out shell-on shrimp in a pot of boiling water. How on earth was I expected to peel and eat that scalding crustacean? I ended up having to take a pad thai to-go and they didn’t even comp a $6 beer after a long argument. Historically bad performance.
- K Rico: I actually didn’t think this place was that bad, but my boys hated it. And if my boys hate something, I’m going to stand with them. Incredibly over-priced though.
- Jasmine Restaurant: This place delivered to me and I found a fish head in the wonton soup. I called the restaurant and they said it was impossible and that it was likely a piece of shrimp. I brought all of the food back (including the fish head) and they only reimbursed me for the soup. I didn’t eat the food and had to pay for the full meal. They have now closed. I win.
- Dos Caminos: I’ll probably end up going back here because they’re pretty good with big groups, but the food isn’t special and it’s crazy expensive. It’s a lazy suggestion for a dinner. And my friends were adamant about ordering churros when tres leches cake was an option.
- Leisurely: This app helps you find food and drink activities around the city. I reached out to the founder to see if I could help out in any way. We had coffee for an hour and discussed the company direction. After an hour, he realized that he had my information confused with someone else’s. He completely ghosted me. Reached out multiple times. No response.
- Spirit Airlines: Not food-related, but fuck Spirit.
The Only List That Matters
It’s time for my list of nonsense that I don’t really know how else to expand on:
- I’m curious if anyone my age (27) has ever made a scone? I feel like you have to be at least 60 years-old to make a scone.
- What percent of people say goodbye to their hotel room when they leave? I’m suspecting it’s over 50%.
- The biggest flaw in the English language is that “bi-weekly” means “twice a week” AND “every other week.”
- If I was an advertising creative on a toothpaste account, I would hire Idina Menzel to sing “Defying Gravity,” but instead make it “Defying Cavities.” I would do the same thing with John Mayer and his song “Gravity.”
- I don’t remember how to play Yahtzee!
- Avoiding the cracks on the ground when I was a child has prepared me to avoid stepping on dog poop in NYC.
- Where do I acquire a bookmark?
- I’d love to see the consumer purchasing habits of flashlights and fleshlights over the last 15 years. It must be an inverse relationship with the three most impactful stimuli being iPhones, Covid, and VR.
- Eggs benedict is the best breakfast if you are splitting a sweet entree for the table.
- I should be able to connect my headphones to the tv.
- Remember when it was cool to have a sweatshirt or a backpack that had a hole for your headphone wire?
- Do you ever turn off your computer mouse and just click the fuck out of the buttons? Me too.
- My favorite day of the year is the first unseasonably warm day.
- Can they change airplane seats to be more like the front seat of a car? Like way lower and more leg room? It’s still in workshop, but I feel like it should be pretty easy to design.
- I really like miso soup. More than most. But does anyone actually love miso soup? I feel like it’s an unlovable food.
- I recently received the Ember mug as a gift from my parents. It’s arguably the object that has brought me the most joy in the past decade. Constant 135 degree fahrenheit coffee at all times of the day?! Sign me the fuck up.
Things I Like About Fitness
My favorite thing about the gym has nothing to do with fitness. It should be, but it’s not.
The gym brings me joy because it is the quintessential t-shirt graveyard.
I saw a Hurricane Sandy relief shirt last week.
The Last Mask
With this pandemic transitioning to an endemic, I have a few mask thoughts:
Q: What is the weirdest use of a mask you’ve seen? Shoutout Jordan Bernstein for this question and responses.
A: We’ve seen facial covering, sleeping mask, dryer sheets, hand-guard to avoid touching subway poles, wrist accessory, unicorn horn, and kippah. Am I missing anything?
Q: When are you going to wear a mask?
A: I might wear them in confined spaces like airplanes and trains for a little longer, but I’ll stop eventually.
Q: What are you going to do with all of your masks?
A: Leave them on the bottom of my underwear drawer.
Q: What’s the worst part about wearing a mask?
A: When I’m wearing a scented beard product, I inhale that scent for the entirety of the time my mask is on. Also, mask-beard is brutal. Looking forward to having my beard be straight again.
Chug, Chug, Chug
At this point in my life, I rarely chug my drink. There are three main causes for chugging:
- The infrequent drinking competition
- Leaving a bar/restaurant
- Inhaling my bottle of water on the last five minutes of a flight because I neglected it the entire time because I didn’t want to get up to pee
Chef JB
If you haven’t started watching my cooking show yet, you’re missing out BIG TIME.
I mean, just look at it.
I’m getting close to 35k followers, so let’s get me there!! Link below:
https://rizzle.tv/u/jonathanbelfer
#ExpandTheBrand
JB Finds JB Funny 