Getting Rich Quick

Here’s my new million-dollar idea:

Ketchup packets, but for chipotle mayo.

It’s clearly the best kind of sauce – but why stop there? Sriracha packets. Russian dressing packets. Chick-fil-A sauce packets.

Why are packets just limited to ketchup, mustard, relish, and mayo?

Taco Bell has the right idea by putting their sauces in packets.

It’s time to dominate the single-serve condiment industry.

Gaseous States

I need help from my readers on this one. Picture this:

You’re driving in the car with the windows down. At once, the air starts smelling bad. Do you…

A. Keep the windows open to air out the car?

B. Close the windows because it smells bad outside?

There are two schools of logic. I want to air out the car so putrid air leaves and fresh air consumes the vehicle. However, I feel like it’s smart to trap myself in the car’s aroma so I don’t have to smell the New Jersey air.

I usually keep the windows open so I don’t dutch oven myself, but I can see the argument made for Team Suffocation.

On The Rocks

I drink soda with ice. I drink soda with a straw.

Why can’t I drink beer with ice? Why can’t I drink beer with a straw?

Chewing Like A Cow

Here are some thoughts I had about gum this week:

1. With such a high demand for gum in grade school, I’m surprised more people don’t chew it.
2. I get kind of grossed out when I’m chewing gum in a bathroom.

Cranial Nonsense

This is the section where I post about things I wrote down in my note sheet over the past few weeks:

• AirPods are earrings for dudes who are too scared to get actual earrings.
• Kennels – but for children.
• Fig Newtons.
• They need to make reversible socks because I always put my socks on inside-out.
• I don’t understand “No Fee” ATM machines because there’s always a fee at the end of the transaction.
• I don’t like fruits in my salad (except for Craisins).

Meat Vegetables

Whenever anyone eats a veggie burger, they always respond with one of the below sentiments:

• It’s actually pretty good.
• It’s actually not that bad.

Beast Of Burden

I bought my first Supreme item.

Please welcome me to the Hype Beast squad.

Prost!

Here’s a picture of (kind of) my dog wearing Lederhosen:

Mlem.

 

#ExpandTheBrand