Golden Hours

Below is a ranking of my favorite “hours”:

1. Cocktail Hour
2. Happy Hour
3. Witching Hour
4. 6 PM
5. Power Hour

Ballsy Situation

I had an ultrasound of my jinglebells the other day. Here are a few notes:

• The wand feels a little too much like a tongue.
• I got hard.
• The technician left the door open.
• I got harder.

A Few Thoughts

Like every stretch of time, a lot of nonsense goes through my head.

• If an ice cube is in a spherical shape, is it still called an “ice cube?”
• I finished a whole tube of Chapstick,
• Do they still teach cursive?
• I like mashed potatoes more than smashed potatoes.
• If you’re hosting an event, what percent of people actually want to be there?
• “Excelsior” is a terrible word.
• I wish I got to be older in the era where smoking in restaurants was allowed. Smoking a cigar while eating a steak sounds luxurious.

Mile High

Why do people drink coffee before/during flights?

Coffee makes me stay awake and have to poop.

On a flight, I want to fall asleep and not poop.

The Environment Blows

Is there a proper way to dispose of a helium balloon without popping it?

Do environmentalists care if I let my balloon float away?

Emoji Ban

We need a limit on the amount of emojis in the keyboard.

It takes far too long to search for my desired emoji.

We don’t need this many types of families. NO ONE uses an emoji to describe the members of their family.

Break In Case

On every automatic sliding door, it says “Push in case of emergency.”

Logistically, how does this work? Does the entire door frame just topple over? Does the glass break?

I really don’t get it.

Avoid This Restaurant

A couple weeks ago, I ordered delivery Chinese food from Jasmine Restaurant.

Let’s just say, I had a very poor experience. Since I worded my Yelp review so eloquently, I’ll just post my review here:

Ordered delivery from here. One item we ordered was the Shepherds Purse Wonton Soup with Chicken Broth. To our disgust, I found a FISH HEAD in my soup. Threw out the rest of the meal due to loss of appetite. I have a genuine concern that I will get sick from this food. Threw $54 worth of food in the garbage. Avoid this place.

UPDATE: I called the restaurant to get a refund for the meal. Did not seemed concerned at all that a fish head was found in a customer’s food. The manager tried to convince me that it was a shrimp in the soup. Very evidently by the picture attached, it was not shrimp. They agreed to refund the meal. We received a call from seamless regarding an $8 refund (the amount of the soup). I had to call back to get the rest of the meal refunded, as it was discarded immediately. Awaiting that refund and an apology.

Here was the picture of the fish head I attached on the review:

And no, I didn’t actually throw out the Chinese food. I was hungry.

 

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