Rank-Man

That’s my new nickname.

As these have been crowd-favorites, I’m going to start off with a few lists:

Best MTV Shows

1. Jersey Shore
2. Rob & Big
3. Yo Momma
4. Next
5. Wild ‘n Out
6. Room Raiders
7. Viva La Bam
8. Pimp My Ride
9. The Hard Times of RJ Berger
10. A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila

Best Ways To Eat String Cheese

1. Peel it
2. Slide full stick down your throat
3. Lick it until it dissolves
4. One chomp and then peel it
5. Chomp the whole thing down

Meat Cleaver

There is a disgusting trend going on amongst women.

I’m going to shed some light on this dark crevice.

When women post on social media, gloating about a new haircut or a fresh mani/pedi, they often expose their cleavage.

This post was never about your hair or your nails. This was merely an excuse to show off the twins.

In protest, every time I shave my head, I will posting it on social media with an outline of my dick present.

@Men, who’s with me?!?

Inside My Mind

Here’s a few quick-hitting thoughts that went through my mind recently:

• Everyone knows there’s a “front part” of a chicken finger.
• Safety pins are not THAT safe.
• I’m only good at putting a jacket on if I do the left arm first.
• A dog park is the happiest place on the planet.
• I want to be cool enough that I get a “plus-two” to weddings instead of a “plus-one.”
• Meatballs are an underrated topping on pizza.
• I had deviled eggs for the first time in my life. I enjoyed them mightily.
• I feel like body wash only got popular during my lifetime.
• I drink the soup out of a bowl. I don’t care if it’s impolite. It’s efficient.
• I prefer if the shower lever is left up.
• I’m more excited for the Filet-O-Fish commercial to be back than the actual Filet-O-Fish.

Corgi Man

I’m currently in the market for a new corgi-partner.

Here’s the job description:

• Send me snapchats of any corgi you see in public.
• Must prefer Pembroke Welsh Corgi to Cardigan Welsh Corgi.
• Tag me in corgi pictures/videos.

Actually, this goes for all of you. If you ever see a corgi in the wild or see a corgi post, please send to me. Immediately.

I will smile.

Spot My Dog

The only reason to use Facebook anymore is to read my blog and follow the Dogspotting page.

If you don’t know what Dogspotting is, go look it up and apply to enter the group.

Thank me later.

Children of the Corn

How do I ask someone about their children?

I panic every time.

• “Are they walking yet?”
• “What kind of noises do they make?”
• “Do you regret your decision yet?”
• “Can I be the godfather?”
• “Have you dropped it?”

Tuck My Napkin In My Shirt

While out to eat, I occasionally tuck the napkin into my shirt so I don’t spill on myself since I more frequently spill on my shirt rather than my lap.

Why doesn’t a restaurant just give you a full apron so you can get as messy as you want and not have to worry about spillage?

Oh, I Don’t Mind

When you go out to eat with a vegetarian, more than likely, they’ll say, “oh, feel free to eat meat. I really don’t mind!”

I think that’s a crock of shit. They definitely mind.

In The Face

If anyone has been searching for the best facial ever, look no further.

Don’t be shy.

 

#ExpandTheBrand