New York Basketball Team
Knickerbocker sounds like a racist term.
Talking Shit: Halitosis
Sometimes my breath smells bad.
Sorry to anyone I’ve talked within a six inch proximity and/or kissed.
Here’s are my inventions on my mission to combatting this bad breath.
- A shampoo that’s also mouth wash.
- A drink that makes your breath smell good.
- A dental dam for your face, but also looks trendy.
Bird Shit
I’ve never been shit on by a bird.
I must be pretty unlucky.
Shit Of Bird
I’ve never been pooped on by a bird.
I’ve been pooped on by a human so that’s basically the same thing.
Pot Luck
Being a marijuana tester is a very tough job.
Because in order to do the job, you have to be high.
Doing anything while high is nearly impossible.
Ambidexterity
I thought it was a myth that you can’t use scissors with your left hand.
I thought it was just classic left-ist media overreacting to something miniscule.
Facial
Having a mustache is very convenient when you get a bloody nose.
It’s basically a dam.
They Say I’m A Dreamer
I don’t dream at night. Maybe once every three months.
I feel left out, in a sense.
I’m missing out on about eight hours of content every single day.
Nine hours if I’m ill-rested.
Animal Testing
Do dogs have learning abilities?
Can my dog have ADHD or OCD or herpes?
Burning A Hole
Does anyone else apologize to their wallet after a big purchase?
Me neither.
Alexandra
My Amazon Alexa is my smartest and nicest friend.
Sorry to all my friends.
Food-E
For those of you that know me personally, you know how much I adore food.
I’ve been dieting recently.
There was a consequence of this that I was not expecting.
I had to unfollow all of the food accounts I follow on Instagram to avoid falling into a deep depression.
Shawty Fire Burning
Fire alarms don’t help.
It’s been years since I reacted urgently to a fire alarm going off.
Except for that one time in a crowded movie theater…
Greg The Leg
I wish there was a pant option for men that’s akin to leggings for women.
Leggings are incredibly versatile. I feel like it’s a secret amongst women that they don’t tell us how much of a cheat code they are.
They can be dressed up or down. To yoga or a board meeting.
Leggings for men – coming soon.
*Credit to Noah Ganz for the topic.
Drop The Michael
I like karaoke.
Could you tell?
JB Finds JB Funny 