Robert Sylvester Kelly

My go to karaoke song is a famed duet. The song is “Same Girl” by R. Kelly and Usher.

With R. Kelly’s (deserved) fall from grace, do I need to choose a new karaoke song.

I love the song, but I really don’t want to support a guy who banged children.

I’m torn on this.

I think I’m going to keep performing it.

Make Nametags Great Again

We need to make nametags cool. Imagine going to a bar and someone just has their name on their shirt so you’d never feel guilty about forgetting?

Everyone says their worst trait is not listening to the other person’s name when they’re introduced.

Girls sometimes wear a necklace with their name on it. But we need like a BIIIIIG necklace with your name on it.

Someone should buy me a massive chain with “BlogBoy JB” on it for Valentine’s Day.

Marathon Training

I’m training for a marathon.

Well, not really.

But I heard that marathon runners pee in their pants mid-race.

So I peed on the treadmill at my gym.

I think I’m ready for 26.2.

Let’s Get This Bread

I’ve always been told to eat bread before drinking to soak up all of the alcohol.

I was enlightened to find out that this makes absolutely no sense.

Bread is not some magic sponge that absorbs everything. It disintegrates in your stomach pretty rapidly.

I blindly believed the bread just stayed dry in my stomach until alcohol poured in and soaked into the bread.

Puedo Ir Al Bano?

I did a lot of thinking in the bathroom this weekend.

Here are a few of my thoughts:

1. Having buttons instead of a zipper on jeans is really stupid. It’s just more complicated and I don’t believe any guy has ever zippered his unit before.
2. Is “breaking the seal” scientific at all? I have an iron bladder. I never have to pee. But if I’m boozing and I urinate, I have to go every five minutes. Is there an actual reason. Would it be the same if I drank an unhealthy amount of water?
3. If there is a female that may use a bathroom after me, I will always put the seat down. However, if I put the seat down, they will assume I either sit when I pee or pee with the seat down. Both gross. If I put the cover down, they must think I tee’d off on the toilet. I’m just going to start peeing in the sink.
4. I’ll never flush a public toilet.
5. When I have my own company, I will always have nice toilet paper in the bathrooms. Employees will be happier and they wont need to spend as much time wiping/bleeding.
6. I saw a guy walk out of the bathroom stall and he washed his hands for a suspicious amount of time. I can only imagine what he was doing in there.

It’s Icy And It’s Hot

I’ve been using Icy Hot a lot recently because of back pain.

How come it never stings my hand when I apply it?

Gimpy

There’s a very thin line between walking with “swagger” and limping.

Nose Candy

My nose always runs when I eat.

Is this normal?

If this happens to you, please reach out and console me.

Remember When?

Remember when we had to slide to unlock an iPhone?

Ew.

An Other Of Significance

Has anyone ever met their significant other on the subway?

My guess is no.

But it’s certainly not going to stop me from hitting on every girl on the subway.

Fortunate

I have a guilty pleasure.

My favorite book series as a young lad was “A Series of Unfortunate Events” by Lemony Snicket.

Netflix has a show about this book series, starring Neil Patrick Harris. It’s not great, but it brings back such nostalgia.

If you read the book, you should definitely watch.

From My Readers

As I mentioned previously. I will be including a section of the blog for things people send me that make me laugh. Here are some submissions:

From: Dad

• When do people stop saying “Happy New Years?”
• Dental Hygienists should be topless. Everyone would go to the dentist.

From: Alex Spector

• Of all the home remedies, the unanimously known one is to put your phone in rice when it gets wet.

Roly Jr.

As many of you may have read in the news, my cactus, Roly, passed away peacefully. I’m not quite sure which day he died since I was out of the office from December 20th until January 2nd. So he died sometime in that 13 day span.

Per some trustworthy advice, I cut him in half and replanted the top portion.

Meet Roly Jr.

 

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