Predatory Eats

There are not many foods we eat that come from animals that could kill us.

Here’s my list of animals I eat that I think could kill me:

• Bison
• Sea Urchin
• Alligator
• Eel
• Shark Fin
• Octopus

Bison eat grass, but they can trample the fuck out of me. I’ll never encounter a sea urchin face to face. Eating alligator is gimmicky. I’ll also never run into an eel in a position where they could kill me. A shark could kill me, but a shark fin cannot. I’ll take down an octopus.

Noogler

I google a lot of stupid shit. Here’s a list of stupid shit I’ve googled recently:

• Baby corgis
• Baby pitbulls
• Is alligator a delicacy?
• Risotto recipes
• What is risotto?
• Am I really that ugly?
• Medicine ball workouts
• Best way to tie your shoes
• Morgan Freeman age
• Price of a pound of gold
• Price of a pound of silver
• Price of a pound of bronze
• Price of a pound of platinum
• How to spell “gesundheit”?
• Why do we say “bless you”?

If you need the answers to any of these, feel free to ask me.

Metal Hierarchy

In the Olympics, as I’m sure you know, the hierarchy of medals is gold, silver, then bronze.

This is not true for subscription plans. Platinum is always first, ahead of gold.

Price-wise, gold is more expensive than platinum. It should be number one in the rankings.

Double-Team

I want to start a new sports league:

Tag Team Boxing

It’s pretty self-explanatory. Each team consists of two boxers. It starts one-on-one, but each boxer can tap in and out and switch with their teammate.

Who wouldn’t watch?

PING!

“Pinging” someone is a common term in my office. It’s used to say that you’ll shoot them a quick message, usually over Skype or Google Chat.

What is the origin of “ping?”

Does it really date to the PING! feature on the Blackberry?

By the way, the PING! feature was the dumbest feature. Why would anyone just want to send a message saying “PING!” to someone.

This is probably the main reason why iPhone did better than Blackberry.

Flossin’ On You

What do you do when you get food un-lodged from your teeth?

I’ve seen people flick it. I’ve seen people wipe it on the bottom of the table. I’ve seen people spit it out into an abyss.

I always swallow it.

It’s food. I paid for it. I’m gonna eat it.

Gesundheit

Remember last post when I talked about how weird saying “bless you” is?

Well, I got a lot of feedback.

Everyone thinks they know why we started saying it. However, I heard three different reasons why people think we say it.

1. It dates back to the plague.
2. When you sneeze, your heart stops.
3. If you sneezed, you were a witch.

Maybe one of these is right.

But I really don’t care.

It’s stupid either way.

Music To My Ears

Why do people like their favorite music?

Is it the experience of listening to the song? Do they like the sounds? Is it the nostalgia associated with a song?

For me, I think it’s the nostalgia. I don’t “love” a song until I get a memory to associate with it.

Preferential Treatment

I figured out how to tell which one of your friends you like more.

Go to a movie and get there in time for the trailers.

Whoever you look at first after each trailer is who you like more.

Trailerhood

If a movie is about religion, race, or gender equality, you’re not allowed to say “this movie looks terrible” during the trailer.

That’s just the rule.

Dark Pair Of Shades

Wearing sunglasses in the winter is an art.

I never know how bright it is going to be until I walk outside. Forecasts are very bad at telling how sunny it’s going to be.

Also, the sun is only up for 58 minutes.

But I really want to get precise in when I can wear my sunglasses in the winter.

I think a winter hat and sunglasses is a good look.

Whip My Hair

After taking my winter hat off, I’ll still shake my head back and forth as if I had hair.

Muscle memory? Nostalgia? Making myself look more majestic?

Lil Kids

I’ve laughed at this meme for about a week straight.

I hope I just gave you entertainment for your upcoming week.

#ExpandTheBrand