How I Shower

If I am out of shampoo, I’ll just use soap all over because I have no hair.

If I am out of soap, I’ll just use shampoo all over because I have a lot of hair.

Whoa.

A Couple Good Ideas

I had two fantastic company ideas. All it takes is one celebrity and a Buzzfeed article to get business booming.

Dog Ear Piercing

People dress up their dogs in outfits and paint their nails and do other weird shit.

Why isn’t ear piercing next?

“It’s inhumane to hurt an innocent dog without them knowing what’s going on!”

Oh, fuck off. People pierce their babies’ ears all the time.

“You’re gonna mess up the dogs’ ears!“

People clip their dogs’ ears off for show purposes. Get over yourself.

Naked Yoga

We’re going to focus on empowerment and reclaiming one’s body.

People are always looking for new ways to do yoga – there’s no way “Goat Yoga” serves any functional purpose, other than a cute Instagram post. And people wear close to nothing anyway for yoga. Why not just strip the clothes completely?

Even I will attend this class!*

*if I have a class roster and seating chart

IQ Test

No one sounds intelligent when they say the word, “literally.”

Drop The Michael

Every bad singer holds the microphone the same way.

Sea Foam Green

Why is my pee sometimes foamier than other times?

Boom Boom Boom Boom

Would Instagram Boomerangs be cooler or more annoying if they had noise?

Dating Coach

Reading back into old conversations is the dating version of preparing for an interview.

Express Yourself

We all make the same faces when something happens.

Stick with me here.

Every person has the same expression when they’re excited or happy or angry.

Is this human nature? Or are we just imitating expressions that we see?

For what it’s worth, I think it’s human nature because babies make the same ugly crying face that adults make. Babies are definitely not old enough to imitate expressions.

Just Like A Tattoo

I didn’t know that men shave their arms/legs if they have tattoos there. It makes sense though.

This Is Art

I saw this thing on a street in Hell’s Kitchen. Is this structure a piece of art? Or does it serve some functional purpose?

I. Need. Answers.

 

#ExpandTheBrand