Scandalous

I don’t particularly want to have a terrible, career-defining scandal.

BUT, if I were to have such scandal, I’d want it to happen at the Westgate Hotel.

We can call it Westgategate.

I Hope He Gets A Little Hurt

I am an avid sports watcher and fantasy football player.

At moments during any game, if a player is dominating against my team, I kiiinda wish they would get injured.

It’s fucked up to wish a serious injury, like an ACL tear or arm amputation, upon anyone.

But turf toe? A stomach bug? That’s the right amount of injured.

Ortho-Dentist

Yes, that is a purposeful typo.

I went to the dentist this week. I had a few dentistical thoughts:

1. Without counting, how many teeth do you have?
2. I haven’t gotten fluoride in probably ten years. However, I still feel like I’m not allowed to eat until 30 minutes after leaving the dentist.
3. Has anyone ever been to the dentist and been told they have done a good job flossing?
4. I’m going to start flossing every day. So far, I’m 3 for 5. Please join me on this journey to having strong gums.
5. Do teeth tartar and tartar sauce have anything in common?

Should’ve Put A Ring On It

What is the main purpose of a wedding rings?

• Some emotional bullshit between both parties?
• So that each individual doesn’t forget in case they’re about to do something stupid?
• A deterrent from drunk idiots to slur pick-up lines at them at a bar?

Winter Is Coming

I’m way more excited for winter hat season than anyone else.

My head gets chilly sometimes.

Wearing a winter hat also doesn’t mess up my hair.

Dee Vee Dee

Personal DVD players were a hilarious invention. A must have in the early 2000s.

Now, they are rendered completely useless.

I want a new one.

Pad Can See You

I took a picture of Pad See Ew the other night to show someone. It was delivered from a Thai place in a to-go container. However, it looked really pretty. Have a look for yourself:

I’ll give it a 7.2/10.

#ExpandTheBrand