Screecher

Remember that extremely high-pitched noise that supposedly only young people could hear?

I wonder if I can still hear it.

Cornelius Cobert

How do Mexican restaurants get the corn off the cob so effectively?

I have been pleading and tweeting at Taco Bell to bring back my favorite item: The Triple-Double Crunchwrap.

It’s beef, nacho cheese, lettuce, tomato, and sour cream.

Broken into three layers, separated by MASSIVE TORTILLA CHIPS.

Triple double Crunchwrap supreme

It’s a terrible regret when you get through two straight laundry cycles and you don’t wear your favorite shirt.

@Girls help me understand how badly it sucks to chip a freshly painted nail

I went to the gym the other day. And got shredded. But that’s not all…

A man walked in with his “girl friend.” Below are some notes I took during their “workout.”

Man
- 5’6
- Fake tanned skin
- First stages of balding
- Graphic tee
- Biiiiig biceps
- Skinny legs
Woman
- HOT
- Skimpy gym attire
- 82% in shape
- Busty
- Snake tattoo up her forearm
- Dream catcher on the small of her back (the Tramp Stamp variety)
- Skin showing on the back of her shoulders
Actions
- Walked around the gym with his hand on her buttocks.
- He guided her arms through a shoulder press.
- She struggled.
- He took her place on the bench and showed her how to do it and made sure she watched.
- He kissed her to seal the instruction.
- He squatted down to her eye level and kissed her.
- SHE’S NOT INTO IT.
- He massaged her.
- She turned around and they high-fived.
- He bended over to kiss her nude shoulder epidermis.
- She wiped away the kiss.
- She Shazamed songs while he groaned about lifting so much.
- They both barely worked out.
Picture Of Them

I never knew that Milano Cookies and Goldfish have the same exact packaging.

You never knew that either.

Now you know.