Wheels On The Bus

What types of transportation are allowed in a bike lane?

• Bicycle?
• Motorcycle?
• Scooter?
• Motor scooter?
• Unicycle?
• Wheelchair?
• Heely’s
• Hover board?

Domestic Partnerships

Nature Valley Bars and Dyson Vacuums should team up.

So. Many. Crumbs.

Pop Goes The Weasel

It should be illegal to eat popsicles in public.

First of all, it looks weird. I will Snapchat you doing it. I will also post you on my Snapchat if I see you eating a banana in public. Add my snapchat: JBelfer

Secondly, I get a secondhand brain freeze. It gives me the chills. I’m sure I’m not the only one who gets this.

I just got the chills thinking about someone biting into a popsicle.

Revolvers

A revolving door must be really tough for someone who has never seen one before.

They’re not easy sometimes.

I often walk into the door ahead of me or clip my heal with the door behind me.

Farting On Airplanes

Yes, I fart on airplanes. Here’s why:

Option 1: I hold in my gas and be uncomfortable for the entire flight.

Option 2: Everyone around me basks in an uncomfortable smell for 30 seconds.

I am going with Option 1. Yes, it is very selfish. No, I do not care.

What’s Your Fantasy?

The use of the word “fantasy” has changed so much over my lifetime.

Here are the below stages of “Fantasy.”

1. It was a made-up world where I let my imagination run wild.
2. It became a sexual term. Fulfilling all of my wildest thoughts in the bedroom.
3. I now associate it with fantasy football. Fantasy football leads me to drink beer, track stats, eat wings, and marinate in my filth on a couch for the entirety of Sunday.

It has actually come full circle. Numbers 1 and 3 are precisely synonymous.

Name Brand

I never listen when the waiter says their name. I completely tune it out. I wouldn’t even notice if they didn’t mention their name.

3×5 Inch Pictures

With the growing trend of sleek wallets, it’s amazing that people used to always carry pictures of their kids and grandkids in there.

Yay iPhones!

Corny

For all of you that listen to my podcast, The Atypical Audiobook, you would know that I have never eaten a corn dog.

This weekend, that has changed.

It was delicious.

Chi-raq

I was in Chicago this weekend. Shoutout Jordan Bernstein, Andrew Schwartz, Scott Flanzman, and Daniel Goldberg for showing me a good time in Boy’s Town.

Anyways, I took this picture. I’m proud of it.

Shot on iPhone X.

#ExpandTheBrand