Ranking of Notifications I Get Most Excited About

1)  Venmo

2)  Seamless

3)  Twitter

4)  Hinge

5)  Snapchat

6)  WordPress

7)  Wag!

8)  Gmail

56,963,479)  LinkedIn

Adding to List of Insults

I got called a “little bitch” by a 7 year old before playing laser tag with him.

I was so shocked..

I haven’t been called little in so long!

Designer Dog Shoes

Why has no designer shoe company come out with designer dog shoes?

Imagine you and your dog walking down the street in matching Yeezy sneakers.

I’d even wear Sketchers if my dog liked them.

OMG Shoes

I like wearing unique shoes because they’re unique.

I don’t like wearing unique shoes because everyone knows it’s me who’s blowing up the bathroom at work.

Energy Conservation

Do you save or use more energy when you climb two stairs at a time as opposed to one at a time?

I often start with two stairs at a time. I get too tired from that, and then I switch to one stair at a time.

I often start with one stair at a time. I get too tired from that, and then I switch to two stairs at a time.

Need answers!

Puppy Love

Why do people frown when they see a cute puppy?

Completely counterintuitive.

Unsolved Mysteries

You’ll never guess which one is me.

Mwahaha!

#ExpandTheBrand