Devastation

There’s nothing more devastating than a chip breaking inside of dip.

Heroism

There’s nothing more heroic than effectively saving a chip from a dip.

New Law

If you sneeze on someone, you should have to pay them $20 on the spot.

This is America, We Speak American

I once heard that Gray is spelled with an A in America and spelled Grey with an E in England. Not sure if this is true but I like it, so I’m going to continue doing it this way.

Boredom

How is it that I get bored of certain apps on my phone, bored of texting certain people on my phone, bored of reading certain websites on my phone, but I NEVER get bored of using my phone?

We get bored of everything on our phone, but never get bored of our actual phone.

*Whoa*

Dessert Has Two S’s

Has anyone ever gotten full off just eating dessert?

It takes a lot of dessert to fill both your stomach and your Dessert Pocket©.

MoviePass

Nothing screams “let’s try to make this relationship work” more than getting MoviePass together.

Her: “we don’t see each other enough”

Him (in thought): *I don’t want to give up anything I care about. Hmmmm, movies are a good bullshit date. And I can tolerate them.*

Him: “Let’s get MoviePass together so we can go to the movies more often!”

Her: “You’re so thoughtful!”

Dating Advice

Clearly not too good at it. See above.

Sponsorship

I am officially cutting ties with Rogaine as my official sponsor.

It clearly didn’t work.

#ExpandTheBrand